First off, day 20 and on is an emotional time in this cleanse. Your body gets down to the cellular level and this is where memories of the past are stored evidently. I figured this wouldn't happen to me cause I'm tough! Geeze! So today I wake up with a major allergy sinus deal!! I'm in pain and my mind is going through the rolodex of ways to escape and numb myself out. Yes, I'm taking a bath now instead!
I remember clearly one day, one moment when I was 6 yrs old and I was playing in my room, it was mid afternoon in the summer and I happily playing alone with my horses and dolls and I heard my dad come in the house downstairs and call upstairs for me, my brother or my mom. I didn't answer. Instead i got into my closet and sat under the light with the string hanging down from it. I put a pretend clear but very strong bubble around myself. I will never forget this and I said to myself as I crouched down in the fetal position, "he will never get me!" That was the moment I decided something was wrong here in my happy little world and started to protect myself from people mostly by being so dang cute you would never hurt me!!!
So I'm noticing how much I use food as that bubble of protection. Men wont find me attractive if I'm heavy which keeps me safe and in the moment it feels so good. Food has never been something I did for pleasure. It has mostly been a punishment for something.
F that!!
I'm so done with that!! I love food and my body is a shrine of goodness and I'm going to treat it as such!!
So my baby is 18!! WOW! What the hell does that mean? Not a damn thing, just that she's 18 and I love her more and more each day!
Happy Birthday Baby Girl!!
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