Throw mama from the train...

So she got here at 8:30pm and we were fighting by 10pm. This was after she threw the "That was Easy" button at Luke. Yeah that doesn't work. And I think she's coherent enough to know that her baby is reprimanding her and that doesn't work either, so she fights me and gets really nasty.

I have hard time being with nasty. So perhaps this is a good thing for me. I don't like it in me or others. I go back to when I was young and everyone in my family was teasing me, except for Carol and my mom would never do anything about it. I felt so betrayed, alone, and misunderstood and really not loved or protected. And I've been interacting with my family now just like that upset 7yr old, except I have a lot more words to express myself. A lot of nasty words. WOW -I'm just seeing this unravel right now. I have gone back in to this dynamic and my siblings aren't respecting me or listening to me (experience of being teased) and my mom is not only protecting me but has become one of them, the ultra experience of betrayal.

WOW -So I could keep this going and eventually piss off my friends, trying to convince them how right I am and what a victim I am of my fucked up family.
Or I could create something brand new like, being a powerful leader for the health and well being of my family. I forgot that I created this a while back. HA! Once I was asked, whats the best thing about forgetting? Remembering."

I love my mama and now I don't wanna throw her from the train!!