Ha, I'm sure it does and would not know from experience, but I do know that absence does.
And seeing my mom tonight just made me light up like a little girl inside. Outside I still remained a bit cautious waiting for the other shoe to drop. And it never did.
I told her how much better she seemed and she told me the doctors told her she does not have Alzheimer and all of the confusion is from her urinary tract infection and overdose of prendisone.
Now I can't honestly say if she's getting better or if it's just me and my new perspective of not being around her all the time.
She truly could be laying down a big carpet of BS unintentionally or it could actually be true.
Either way, as I sat at the table just enjoying her company for the first time in a while, I said to myself, it doesn't matter. Goofy, crazy, loony, ill, regal, beautiful, all of the above is my mom and I love her all the same.
Now living with her is a different story and I never signed on for that deal. My sister always said she was going to be the one and she doesn't have kids so it's perfect. I think where the integrity went out was when I didn't say I wasn't comfortable with having her live with me in the first place. I felt like I 'should', I would be an awful daughter if I didn't, it was my duty. Well guess what, I still looked like an awful daughter AND I took her in! HA! So if I could get a tattoo on my forehead it would say, TRUST YOURSELF!!!
I often step over my initial thoughts and trade them in for what 'should' I do thoughts or 'ought' to do or 'what's best for them' thoughts. True thoughts of an abused woman. Which I was when I was 13. And even though that was many years ago, my first reaction is from that old pattern created 27 yrs ago and it takes effort to not just go with it because it feels very quite comfortable and known.
So now in this stage of my life, 40, being oh so wise, tee hee, I want to be done with that crap.
Just trust myself and my intuition.
I loved being with my mom and seeing her in light that was loving and peaceful.
My gut says she is sick and this is all part of it and oh well!
She did say, "I know there are things I should be thanking you for because you took care of me but I can't remember." And I said, 'well I don't ever remember you wiping my butt, so we are even."
Love you mom.
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