The Juice Rant

So it's been months since my last confession. I find writing to be less of an outlet when I have the comforts of food, smoke and drink around me. Interesting to notice these things. And when I woke up this morning, I noticed my conversation I have with myself about having my first cigarette of the day. So instead, I grabbed my first juice and hopped into my jacuzzi.

So many things have transpired since my last rant.

My mom has gotten better and it was a result of an overdose of prendisone and a urinary tract infection. When older women get this they get crazy!!! Great just another thing to look forward to about being a woman. HA!! So she was out of it from the UTI and not remembering how many pills she was taking. WOW. And there is a touch of perhaps dementia creeping in and she sees it so how great is that. So we are looking at White Horse Village for her to visit, which is a retirement home where some of her lady friends stay.

As far as my brother and sister, I had been keeping my distance, until last week. Looking at it as a message to them that it's not OK to continue this old way of treatment of me. And my sister sets up a family photo with mom and a week at the beach. I mean they are family and there is a love I have for all of them. We shared a fantastic week together and it really was a blessing to have all of this crap happen and still we can pull together.

You don't have to like your family they say...you can't choose your family...so that brings me to my next topic...family and community.

I never understood when people would say this. OK fine, so I want to choose my family now. I want people in my life that I love and respect and honor who they are in the world and what they are up to. I want to actually like my family.
I have become active in an intentional community, which is a group of people who have been living together for the past 50 years. Recently I was out visiting their property in Lafayette California. Now I don't think one would say I was trying to keep up with the Jones and I usually make fun of the Jones and yet I live smack dab in the middle of the Jones. Hmm...odd.
I'm interested in seeing what it would be like to live deliberately with powerful choices of who I want in my life. Yes, on some level I have always been making this choice. Which has mostly been based out of obligation or based on just having people in my life so I wasn't alone.
I love my friends and community and I want more. I'm beginning my own research on community living. Not sure what its going to look like. I'm heading back there soon. That's for sure.

I have more to write about,

Love, which I am really playing in this arena and met someone who I want to have have in my life and who is willing to do research with me. I have been straight and honest with this guy and I'm not comprising a stick of anything. In compromising, everyone loses. With that being said, I'm not being selfish, I ask that of him too. It's been so much fun, risking and playing with him. He has a kind and calm spirit, with just enough hot pepper zest!!! I'm excited for whats to come!!

Riding, I'm not. I fell and gave myself a hematoma on my pubic bone. HA! Of all the places that has to be the worst for riding horses at least. This happened in July and its August. So I say one more week off. It still hurts a bunch. I've reconsidered the kind of riding I want in my life. It's a dangerous sport and I takes a lot longer to heal from a fall the older I get. I have also heard of people who were killed walking their horses out to the field. I'm not one to play it safe anywhere in my life and I don't want the message to my kids to be play it safe either. I also don't want to give the message of being reckless. So it's all developing.

Well thanks for listening for those that read this. It does help me to go through this process.
M